This is an interview with Jess Dean that was held at the beginning of the Serve Bangkok IV Missions Trip. What Jess shares is a behind-the-scenes insight into who she is and the faith & leadership journey that she has found herself on as she continues to Serve Bangkok.
“I felt like I had found a part of me that doesn’t exist when I’m elsewhere.” – Jess Dean on returning to Serve Bangkok
Interview with Serve Bangkok IV team leader, Jess Dean
Adam Sugihto (AS): Jess, did you always know that you were going to be on this particular Serve Bangkok trip?
Jess Dean (JD): Definitely. Its very hard for the church to feel engaged when its 12 months between trips – so when I was here in January 2009 I thought it would be great if we could run something in the middle of the year. I was the most obvious person to do it and was also really looking forward to running it – particularly having found a specific need (music), I was really excited to bring a group back to meet that need.
AS: You’ve led a number of teams now – is there anything that you’re expecting to be different this time around?
JD: I think every trip is different. The last two I’ve led have been very different to each other - obviously the group of people influence the dynamic. This time I am really looking forward to bringing a group of people that have already been a team. I think that will be interesting. I am also excited about this team in terms of the music need that we are meeting.
I also feel like we have made some progress with our relationship with Jim and Judy Larson of The Well. I noticed in January that they had really began to trust us as a church and to open up to us about what they wanted to do. So this time I’m expecting that that trust and openness will continue and grow.
AS: This is your fourth Serve Bangkok trip now. Is it a given that you’ll always be on these trips?
JD: No its not a given. Part of the reason I’m wanting to stick around for the next few weeks, is to establish more things so I’m not here forevermore. I feel more like my role is to establish something, to start something then to pass it on to someone else to run with. I love it and I’m excited that I’m coming back and leading teams and creating opportunities for people to come. I could very easily do it for a lot longer, but don’t necessarily feel like God’s saying “I want you to be in Bangkok forevermore”.
AS: We often hear you talking about your heart for missions and outreach overseas. Where does that come from?
“For me, missions was always ‘why would you want to do anything else?’ and it took me a while to learn that not everyone else was wired like that!“
JD: The easiest answer and I know it sounds like a cliche, is that God put it on my heart. As long as I can remember, I always wanted to go to Africa so there was always this desire to help the underprivileged and help those who were less fortunate than myself. As I learnt more about the world and watched things around me, that heart just grew. For me, missions was always “why would you want to do anything else?” and it took me a while to learn that not everyone else was wired like that!
AS: Tell me about your heart for Bangkok. Was there a ‘moment’ when you fell for this place or did it take time?
JD: To be honest, I never really had a heart for Bangkok the first time we came – but what I was passionate about was being able to help people in less fortunate situations. So that’s what caused me be involved in the Serve Bangkok trips more so than the location. That’s one of the things I love about these teams – that I get an opportunity to introduce people to something I’m really passionate about. I enjoyed the first trip, but I didn’t immediately feel like “oh my goodness I have to go back”. It was more about helping people and meeting needs – not necessarily the city of Bangkok.
But then when we returned, even though there wasn’t a moment, God really changed my heart. It was like I came back to Bangkok and realised that I had left a part of my heart in this city. I felt like I had found a part of me that doesn’t exist when I’m elsewhere. So there wasn’t a ‘moment’ – I don’t tend to have a lot of times in my life when its a ‘moment’. For me it was more a process that took weeks and months.
AS: Leading teams and coordinating people internationally isn’t easy – but you make it look easy. What are some of the challenges that you’ve had?
“I was 21 when I ran the first trip and there was a lot of ‘what the heck am I doing’?“
JD: There’s definitely been a lot of challenges that’s for sure. There’s been a lot of having to deal with doubt – I was 21 when I ran the first trip and there was a lot of “what the heck am I doing”? I remember arriving that first time before the other guys and thinking “I can’t do this, I don’t know what I’m doing, no one in Bangkok ever gets back to you, you can’t organise anything. This whole thing can just fall over”. I remember Matt Deremer sending me that verse from Ephesians “that God can do exceedingly more than we can ask or think”. When I got that message I said to God “Okay, I’m just going to have to trust you in that” and by the end of that first trip, God really did blow away all of my expectations and it was much greater than I ever thought that it could be.
There are also a lot of challenges around working in this city – its difficult to organise anything and have any certainty in your planning. The more I’ve been here, the better I’ve been at leading teams in that uncertain environment and being OK with just letting things go. If I don’t have it all organised, it doesn’t really matter because it all kind of figures itself out.
“The first trip I felt like I had to have it all together and prove that I could hold this thing together and that it will work.“
I’ve changed also a lot about how open I’ve been about that (with the teams). The first trip I felt like I had to have it all together and prove that I could hold this thing together and that it will work. Whereas now I’m happy to let people know that’s just how it is and if it changes, well it changes! I’m a lot more comfortable with who I am in leading it. I just do what I can and the rest we just work around. I definitely learnt a lot in terms of my personal leadership and character building stuff.
The other challenge is just around self doubt of what you can and can’t do at a young age. I think I have learnt more so than ever what it is to trust God because I have found myself more so than ever in situations where I’m saying to God “if you don’t come through I can’t do anything else”. I think I’ve learnt the power of being outside of your comfort zone and what God can do in that. That verse in 2 Cor 12:9 where God says “my power is made perfect in your weakness” – I feel like I’ve actually learnt what that means and the truth in that. The more I’m not good at doing things and just do it anyway, the more I’ve seen that God just moves powerfully in that. I’ve learnt that if you get it wrong or if it goes badly, what’s the worst that can happen? Unless I try and give it a go then I never would have known.
I would encourage people that, even if it seems like the scariest thing in the world, when God says to go and says its right then He won’t let you fail at that. That doesn’t mean you won’t have your challenges along the way. Its okay to get it wrong. Its okay that it doesn’t work. On both previous trips I’ve had things that have gone completely wrong but that’s the experience.
AS: Your position is a bit different to the rest of the team in that you’re staying in Bangkok for an extra 8 weeks. What are you hoping to see happen in that time?
JD: My main aim is to have some headspace and time to understand what God’s doing in this city, particularly for The Well and Riverside Church. Right now I feel what He’s saying is that “I’m not going to give you a whole lot other than the doors I’ve opened up for you at the Well so explore that and let me show you what comes next”. I think there’s a lot we can be doing but I think God’s also saying that “I need to know that you’re going to be responsible and trustworthy with what I give you”. So I want to spend some more time at The Well and understand more of Jim and Judy’s heart – what God’s spoken to them, what are the things they’d love to see happen and then figure out the things that are standing in the way of that. That way when I come back to Melbourne we can figure out which of those needs we can meet and which of those we can’t.
I also want to begin to create something that’s sustainable. So that if its God’s will, in 10 years time, we’re still supporting these guys and actually contributing to real needs. So mainly the 8 weeks will be with The Well but also spending time in the city – with the Refugee Centre, Newsong Church and whatever else is going on that we could link into – and to just have some time to sit and be here without having to run a team and organise.
I’d also like to be able to put something in motion that is a bit more tangible – so that whoever God has to take on these teams next, can run with them and know that the groundwork that we’ve done doesn’t get lost.
AS: Any other final thoughts?
JD: If you haven’t been and aren’t regularly putting yourself out of your comfort zone that’s an important thing to do. Whether that’s coming to Bangkok or going to St Kilda in Melbourne isn’t the point – experiencing new stuff for God is. He has so much for us, we just need the courage to step into it just a little and see God do amazing things. But always remember God’s more interested in how we’re living our lives rather than what we’re doing. I can do a great job on these trips and lead them but if I’m not living a life that honours Him then it doesn’t really matter how awesome a job I do on these trips.
AS: Finally how can people pray for you or support you over the next few weeks?
JD: The biggest thing to pray for is wisdom and discernment. I’ve got some structure but not heaps because its Bangok and because I don’t really know what Gods going to say in the next 8 weeks. So please pray for me just to have clarity around what He’s saying and wisdom and discernment to know what to do with that: to know what to follow up and what not to, where to spend time and where not to. Pray that God would have his way and that whatever it is that He wants instilled, that I’d get that and that ongoing we figure out the best way to put it together and make it into something that more of the church can engage in and is useful on this end.
AS: Thanks Jess and all God’s best for your time here in Bangkok!
Footnote: Jess Dean is aiming to be back in Melbourne at the end of September. If you wish to send her your thoughts, prayers and support, either email her directly or write her a message in the comments box below.
Related posts:
- The Journey Continues…
- Serve Bangkok IV: Journey’s End
- Serve Bangkok IV: Day Eleven
- Serve Bangkok IV: Day Three
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